Rain
by beautifulpickle
Summary: "When I first came to Dalton, I had this stupid romanticized vision of you being my knight and shining armor. I imagined you saving me from whatever it was I wanted to get away from..." oneshot


Water droplets kiss Kurt's skin as he stands under the rain. It's the middle of the night and he is currently on the top of the Dalton Academy roof. His silk pajamas are heavy with water, the material clinging onto his skin. He throws his head back, trying to feel everything. _anything._

_"Kurt..." _a small voice calls after him. He doesn't notice. The rain feels cold and wet against his skin, distracting him from his surroundings.

"Hey Kurt," the voice says a little louder. The person who is talking sounds composed and familiar. Kurt keeps his eyes closed.

"What do you want Blaine," he asks, a little harsher than intended.

"Nothing.. I just wanted to know why you were out here," Blaine replies.

"I should ask the same for you."

Blaine laughs a little. "Are you usually this defensive at this hour?" His face is pointed towards the sky, raindrops landing gently on his face. "If you really want to know, I come out here sometimes.. Just to think a little. Do you know what I mean?"

"No not really," Kurt responds abruptly, wanting nothing more than to have Blaine leave.

"Well sometimes I need to get away from things, clear my head of all this.. this mess," he replies back with a little shrug. Kurt stares at him, the sky may be dark but Kurt can clearly see the silhouette of Blaine's body. They're both silent for a few moments.

"Kurt," Blaine says, his voice strained. "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened."

"To you.. to us.. Just.. everything. Why is everything so screwed up now," Blaine says quietly, running his hand through his dark wet locks, the weather making his hair unbelievably curly.

"From the last time we've talked, you looked like you have everything put together pretty well. Good grades, lead warbler, Mr. Freaking perfec-," Kurt starts before Blaine cuts him off.

"I don't mean that. Kurt, we haven't talked for a month. I tried calling you, I knocked on your dorm every night for two weeks straight. I've tried everything, but every time I try to even get near you. You just disappear," Blaine says with an agitated tone. "Why do you keep avoiding me? Do you hate seeing me that much?"

"Blaine, it's not that," Kurt says, his voice icy and sharp. He takes a deep breath before adding "It's cause you're pathetic."

"W-what do you mean," Blaine asks, his usual composed attitude cracking.

"Blaine. You're not real." Blaine just stares at Kurt, confused. Kurt rolls his eyes in agitation.

"Well I mean, I didn't mean it literally. Look, I just don't know you anymore, I don't know who you are. When I first came to Dalton, I had this stupid romanticized vision of you being my knight and shining armor. I imagined you saving me from whatever it was I wanted to get away from... But you just turned out to be some type of lifeless robot, along with everyone else in this fucking school."

Blaine winces at Kurt's harsh language. "Well I'm sorry I can't live up to your expectations," he says, his voice just as cold. "Not everyone can be perfect Kurt; I can't live up to everyone's expectations. I can't please every single person," Blaine says bitterly.

"I'm not expecting anything out of you Blaine," Kurt says with an exasperated sigh. "When I came to this school, I wanted peace or some type of sense of security or something that wouldn't make me hate myself," Kurt pauses, his voice getting shaky. Then the next sentence hits Blaine hard. "But, I'd rather get bullied and beaten into a bloody pulp every single day.. Rather than," Kurt stops midsentence, trying to compose himself. "Rather than feeling this alone. Rather than feeling so stupid for believing that you, that this school-," Kurt stops talking. His bottom lip is trembling as he looks down at his feet.

The rain is falling harder now, blurring both their visions. Blaine stares at Kurt, his mouth pressed in a tight line.

"Your sob story is rather nice. But if you don't mind, I'd like to hear the truth now," Blaine says, unaffected by Kurt's current state.

Kurt's eyes widen angrily. "I'm telling the truth you asshole!" Blaine just shakes his head in disbelief. He walks up to Kurt, his cold hand cupping Kurt's cheek gently.

"I know your tactics; I know how you work, and what makes you tick. You're pretty much an open book." Kurt stares hard at Blaine, wanting nothing more than to punch Blaine's brains out.

"It's not like you to freak out over something like this. You're obviously hiding something. Kurt, if there's one thing I know about you, it's the fact that you're strong," Blaine says, his forehead pressed lightly against Kurt's. They both stare at each other for a while, letting the rain soak into their skin.

Kurt bites his bottom lip and gently pushes Blaine away. "I'm not as strong as you think," he says, pausing to unsuccessfully wipe the water from his face. "Sometimes... sometimes I like to plan out my own death," he says with a bitter laugh. "I mean, I would fantasize about killing myself... How I would leave this world. Maybe I'd go from pills or a bullet to my head, or something equally as glamorous," Kurt says, his voice faltering slightly. "But I'd never go through with it. And do you know why Blaine?" he asks, his voice barely audible.

"I could never kill myself because I'm a fucking coward. Blaine, I'm a coward!" Kurt says, shouting over the thunder that's beginning to form. "All of my life I've been fighting, believing that I'm not a waste of space. That I actually mean something! But I can't even kill myself properly," Kurt stops midsentence, looking up at the dark sky. "But maybe they're right.. Maybe whatever these fucked up emotions I have are right. God, this would be so much easier if I wasn't alive," Kurt says, his voice fading slowly.

Blaine just stares at Kurt with a pained expression wanting nothing more than to shut up that beautiful boy in front of him.

"You.. You tried killing yourself."

Kurt turns away from Blaine, his back facing the dark haired male. "Not recently, no. I stopped that habit a long time ago," Kurt says with a little sniffle. "But to answer your question. Yeah, I've tried, multiple times actually," he says with a far off voice. "I don't try to kill myself anymore.. But I still wonder what would happen if I ever succeeded. I still wonder if I'd be better off dead."

Blaine stares at the back of Kurt's head for a long time until Blaine finally decides to reach forward and grab Kurt, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boy's lean frame. Kurt pounds his fists lightly on Blaine's chest, a sad attempt to set himself free. He holds Kurt for a good couple of minutes, the only sounds being the occasional thunder and the light pattering of heavy rain.

"Blaine, let go of me," Kurt says weakly, tired from his previous emotional outburst.

"No..," Blaine's voice is stubborn, almost pleading, as he constricts his arms tighter around Kurt. He lays his head against Kurt's shoulder, sort of leaning onto him. "I'm not letting go."

"B-blaine don't be ridiculous. I'm supposed to hate you remember? You're not supposed to be acting like this," Kurt complains, as he struggles to get out of Blaine's arms. He stops fighting to get free as he hears little choked sobs coming from Blaine. "Y-you're not supposed to do this, I'm not supposed to feel sorry for you. I'm not supposed to like you," Kurt says, his voice faltering a little.

But before Kurt could say anything else, Blaine shuts him up. "I know how you feel," he whispers into Kurt's ears, his voice raspy and uneven.

"What do you mean," Kurt says, knowing exactly what Blaine meant. But for some reason, he wanted to hear it for himself.

"I mean I know where you came from. I know how it feels to be alone and miserable," he says as he digs his head deeper into Kurt's shoulder. "How I always hated going to sleep at night knowing that I'd wake up tomorrow," Blaine says almost inaudibly, his voice slightly muffled.

"The feeling that you get when you lie down and just want to die, not caring how you leave this world.." Kurt adds, giving a forlorn smile. Tears are trickling from his eyes as he wraps his arm around Blaine, pulling him closer.

Their bodies clung together, the only warmth coming from the radiating body heat they both gave off. Blaine slowly looks up at Kurt, grabbing both sides of his face and pulling him into a long kiss. He places soft kisses on Kurt's eyelids, his forehead, his cheek, his mouth, all the way down to Kurt's exposed neck. Kurt just stands there shivering, aching for skin to skin contact yet restraining himself from touching Blaine. The kisses are slow and deep and beautiful and perfect and heart wrenching. They stand there in the rain, both their tears mixing with the rain water.

They end up in Blaine's dorm room, peeling off their damp and rain soaked pajamas and sliding into the warm soft bed. They kiss each other hungrily, desperate for some type of contact, some sort of way to show they both existed. Blaine whispers sweet nothingness into Kurt's ear, telling him that he's loved, that he's worth something, that he's not alone. Kurt responds the same, kissing every tear that happened to escape Blaine's eyes.

Blaine and Kurt wake up the next morning, limbs entangled with one another. Kurt looks up from Blaine's chest, his smile is sad, but genuine. Blaine gives him a reassuring smile and kisses the top of Kurt's head.

Kurt moves up a bit and leans in to kiss Blaine lightly on the lips. The kiss soft and loving and innocent and it gives both of them the feeling of pure bliss.

Outside, the sky is still gray, rain still falling heavily from the dark clouds. But Blaine and Kurt are content for the moment. They stay in each other's arms, healing one another for the time being.

**...**

**Ok, so this story might be a little confusing, seeing that I don't write angst that often. But basically, Kurt and Blaine had a fall out, and when they finally meet again, buried pasts resurface. To sum it all up, this is NOT a story about suicide or depression. It's mainly about self healing and how Blaine and Kurt are both helping each other to achieve it. **

**Anyways, thank you so much for taking your time to read it. It's awkward for me since I'm not used to writing these types of stories. But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this little fic. This authors note is waaay too long. What else do I have to say... Umm.. Stay sexy :)**


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